My Personal Blog

The Fragments of the shadow

The Price

I have been a social person for a while that is a talent I like a lot but it has a high price I rarely notice. I was asked recently about the price I have to pay for being such a social butterfly and it is the fragmented personality that is mistaken for hypocrisy.  I…

Another life lost

Whenever I hear that someone committed suicide, all I think is “That could’ve been me”.  My obituary would have been written 8 years ago if I hadn’t failed and My heart breaks every day for every person who succeeded. I know how hard it must have been and the abundant pain they endured and the…

Anhedonia

Anhedonia is defined as the inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities. A state of indifference is what I would describe as my depression for years and it is just like the quietness before the storm. It was the state before my suicidal thoughts took control. The state where I was trapped in my…

Therapy A Blessing or A Bane?

I would love to tell you it is a blessing that all my life was fixed magically and life has finally opened its doors after years of depression, but that is not true. A therapist is a human, just like me and you. Mine is just good at analyzing situations with me and is legally…

What IF

I wonder what life would have been without depression. I wonder how many things I would have been able to do without the daily war at 8 am fighting paralysis because I am unable to move because of my immense pain. I wonder if the time I spent fighting my demons was spent on having…

Missing my grandmother extra today

As I walk down the street, I see you everywhere and I can not live where I lived, I can not breathe where you left and the shadows of a once crossed streets of somebody who used to be here hunts every step of the way. That place used to be a home now it…

Shadows Of My Heart

When my grandfather died, I felt isolated. I wasn’t close to him at all even though I lived at his house for months. However, I have wanted to say things that were left unsaid and do things differently but I never had the chance to do so. I promised my self that I would grieve…

The Dream

Charles Clyde Ebbets

I Trusted My Heart

I trusted my heart and it told me I lost you.I wanted to silence the voice that told me to leave, but you silenced it when you left.I trusted my heart and it said you were afraid.I am the big bad wolf for you, aren’t I?I was the dementor in your story as I sucked…

Lessons Learned from My friendships break up

Most my friend are cowards but what they feared most was hurting me. They hurt me more by not knowing me than they did with their actions itself. They both are great people and it hurts so much more I can not say they were fuckers. Each break up has its unique pain and they…

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